It is one year later almost to the day since we shaved our little girl’s head in an effort to put her hair pulling compulsion to an end. Over the course of this past year, I have received countless emails from all over the world (Google, you beast, you!) – so many emails, in fact, from other mommas like me seeking answers to this disheartening riddle that even in my best efforts to respond to many of them, I haven’t been able to respond to them all…
But I’d like to.
I’d like you all to know that I read every single email and comment. Every. Single. One.
I do my best to respond whenever I can.
For those who had been following my blog, you may have noticed that I’ve taken a bit of a hiatus from blogging. I’ve really been praying about what to do with my blog. Do I close it down? Should I leave it up? Should I change the nature of the blog? I still don’t have an answer, but I continue to wait on the Lord and his good timing to know what direction to take.
In the meantime, as I sort it all out, I’d like to respond to the many emails and comments I continue to get asking for an update. First of all, I would like to thank all of you who have reached out to me. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I am STILL on this journey with you, and my heart still aches with you.
Many mommas wonder: Did shaving her head work?
Well, it did…
For almost an entire year…
Until two weeks ago…
When the hair pulling began again.
It’s like déjà vu, and the whole scene is beginning to replay all over again after an entire YEAR of it being gone.
To be honest, I am humbled and utterly speechless as I write this update to all of those who have asked. For nearly a year now, I have been cautiously optimistic, praying and turning this issue over to the Lord until finally I had become convinced that this problem was forever behind us.
I have responded to countless emails with what we’ve done to keep this destructive habit at bay and how those things have worked, and now, well, now I’m just at a loss for words as to how it has manifested all over again.
I think my sweet, little girl, who is two months shy of her 3rd birthday as I write this, has pulled her out her own hair 4 times in the past couple of weeks. Last night as she was eating dinner, she pulled out a pretty significant handful of hair and tried shoving it in her mouth to eat it before I caught her and took the wad of hair out of her hand.
From just a few pulls, there are now new thinning spots on her head where her hair had beautifully and FINALLY grown in. I continue to focus on nutrition and the ins and outs of giving her as much of a whole foods/un-processed diet as possible. I pack her lunch for daycare everyday, constantly being mindful that she has the right balance of real food nutrients, carbs, fats, proteins, etc.
It has worked wonderfully to keep the desire to eat the hair at bay.
And, yet, out of nowhere, here we are again.
However, one saving grace in all of this is that, even though, she’s always been a smart little cookie, her ability to reason has grown leaps and bounds over the past year, so my husband and I are able to reason far better with her about the hair pulling/cause-and-effect and so on.
She looked up at me with those big gorgeous, blue eyes of hers last night and said, “Mommy, are you sad? I’m sorry I pulled my hair.”
My heart just broke right then and there. I know she doesn’t want to pull out her hair – it is a compulsion, and that fact alone is, perhaps, even harder to see than even the new bald spot itself.
I just got down on my knees and looked her straight in the eye and said, “Baby, I am sad, but I want you to know that whether you pull your hair or not, I love you soooo much, and you are so beautiful to me. I just know how much you love your pretty hair, and I don’t want to see you lose it again.”
She smiled and said, “Okay, Mommy. I won’t pull my hair anymore.”
If only it were that simple. Gosh, I pray it is.
I am praying that the hair pulling would end once and for all, but if this is a trial my little family needs to walk through once again, I’m praying for the wisdom to navigate it.
God’s Word tells us: If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. James 1:5 KJV
Praise God for that promise!
Even though I feel discouraged today, I know that the Lord is good, and I still have an abundance to praise Him for. I thank my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ for my little girl…for each day that I get to hold her and love her and tell her that she is beautiful.
I’m thankful that God has a greater purpose in it all and that His goodness will continue to shine through, even when setback and failure come knocking at our door.
There’s always more to the story…
And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28 KJV